Forgiveness from beyond

Click to enlarge photo.
This is the picture I  took - the picture I expected
 to see come out of my printer. Instead, see below.

On July 19th, 2010, I planted Flapjack Kalanchoe and other succulents in this antique bowl and pitcher, that had served my mother, then me, as a lamp. The entire time I was selecting plants, I thought about what Mama would like. As I poured in the dirt, I thought about what Mama would do. It was as though Mama and I were creating this lovely thing together. Even the table it sits on belonged to Mama, who passed away June 29th, 2009. She was 86 years old.


My mother and I had not enjoyed a warm, loving relationship when she was alive. Too much alike, maybe. But during her last year, it had grown even worse because dementia set in, and her normally acerbic personality turned vicious toward me. 


By the time she passed she did not know who I was, but as far as she was concerned, I was the person keeping her from doing what she wanted to do, which was to go home. She was at home, where she remained as long as she was conscious. Ten days before her death, she was lovingly placed into Hospice, where she passed peacefully as my brother and I stood beside her bed. 


The first year passed and I did not hear from her, nor did I expect to.


Mama and I shared three things above all else: our dogs, a love of all things beautiful and computers. She was an extremely intelligent woman, who had gone to a department store when she retired in the 1980's, bought a computer, brought it home, set it up and learned to use it from an instruction book, with a little help through phone calls to my youngest son and me. We were amazed at how though neither she nor my father had ever used a PC, they were both eager to learn and did so with relative ease. Computers were not as simple then as they are now. But Mama's love of computers continued until the last 6 months of her life. So it makes sense that as I planted her bowl and pitcher, and thought of her with intense love, wishing she could see what I was doing, wondering if she would approve yet believing she would, it must have brought about the right circumstances for Mama to come through, using the computer to communicate her presence. The upper left photo is the picture I took. But when I printed it out, the photo below is what I saw. 

This is the photo that came out of my printer
with the first printing. Click to enlarge.

The blue strip across the photo is the actual logo from a website that I had never visited - never! And I would bet my last nickel that Mama never visited that website either. It is a collection of pages written by experts in the field of after-death communication, near-death experiences, and the afterlife. Not exactly Mama's cup of tea. To say I was shocked doesn't even come close to describing how I felt when I saw this photo. However, I quickly reprinted the photo, and the above photo is what came out of the printer on the second try. 


As I gazed at both photos, a warm, exhilarating feeling washed over me. I realized not only could my mother see and appreciate the beautiful creation using her things, she could now see me as I truly am, and she approves! She forgives me for all the imagined hurts, and asked me to forgive her, which of course, I joyfully do! Our relationship now is better than ever. It is wonderful to know that after her physicality was stripped away and all that is left is the essence of her true soul, I had and still have a mother who loves me.

If anyone has an explanation for this, I'm listening. But everyone I have shown it to says just accept it for what it is...mother love. This I can do.